So I drove home from work tonight on my bike. It probably wasn't safe, but my options were limited. I kind of wish that I had someone that would tell me off and not let me bike home in the dark, but I guess that's not going to happen.
Biking alone in the dark does give me some time though. I've lost about 10 pounds in the last little while, probably because I don't get the time to eat, and I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. That's not usually a good thing, but I've come to a few conclusions.
~I'm my own person and I like that. I don't really need the approval of others, even if it's nice to hear it sometimes, and I'm someone I'm ok to be alone with. There's a lot to me even if some don't look that far under the surface, I'm a pretty good package alltogether. Maybe I'm a bit of a loner, but I'm ok if I'm not surrounded all of the time or have plans for every minute of the day. I like to think that my friends like to have me around, and I like the people that I hang out with. I think they're quality people who have a spark in them that sets them aside from the other people in the world that remain faceless.
~I have plans for my life. If you asked me to write them on a sheet of paper, I may not be able to do it, but I know the kind of person I am, the kind of person I wish to become, and how I'm going to get from here to there. It'll be my own little odyssey that is what will make my life worthwile. My plan is for me, and while it will involve many people I care or will care about, it's not dependent on anyone else or the decisions that they feel I should make.
~ When I care for people, I let them know I do. I don't sugar coat it, I don't lead people astray. I'll always be there for people I care for, even when they aren't asking or looking for it. I like to think I'm open enough that anyone can talk to me about anything, and they usually do. I'm honored that people feel that I'm trustworthy, and I respect them in return.
~While other people change and treat me differently, or not even at all, I'm still here, I'll always be here, wherever it is I am. That may be small comfort to me when I feel like some people make me feel, but it's comfort enough to know that while they may not be constant I will be. When I tell people that they mean a lot to me and that I'm glad they are a part of my life, I mean it, and I wouldn't do things that I feel could cause them pain. I'm always going to be Tamsyn, nothing that can ever happen will change that, and there's only one of me.
Wednesday, July 2
